On my mind...

Okay, so over the past few days, I've been getting some emails and IMs (some more cryptic than others) that suggest that people actually read this thing. So, here are a few rules of the blog to make this all go more smoothly:

1. I write here for me. If you happen to be mentioned, I will probably let you know, email you a link, etc. but generally only if I'm saying good things or if I'm being clever. My brain goes about a million miles a minute every second of the day (which is a whole lot of miles when you add them up) so I am generally not thinking of how anyone will "read" what's on here, but just getting it out.

2. Any IM that asks a specific question about something on here will be answered at my discretion. If you ask "does this mean...." and I answer you, don't assume I'm being completely honest with you. If I haven't given details here, I may or may not give details when you ask.

3. Never ever ever say I'm wrong with what I put on here. I am not wrong; we just disagree about what "right" is. Don't you people know me at all???

4. Try your best not to send messages to me that say things like "So, how are you?" when I suspect but am not positive that you read my blog. Particularly when I've been b**ching on here and don't know whether the answer to your question is "Fine" because you haven't read it, or "let me tell you the details" because you have. Most likely, I will split the difference, say something cryptic and leave you wondering what the heck I'm talking about.

and finally,
5. My mom sometimes reads this. My dad sometimes reads this. I'm only going so far in my details before I say "hmmmm... do I want the woman who gave birth to me to know about that???" Which is the same reason why I'm not giving them my myspace page. :)

Well, despite all the current turmoil I've decided that I am determined to be happy. I've been cranky and unhappy for a whole week now, which is about 6 1/2 days longer than I usually give myself. And I've decided that, no matter what, I'm going to be me. And me is a whole lot happier than I've been of late.

Back in June, Jenn and I went out one night, and a newer friend described me as "so pretty because you're always smiling." My response was, "Sweetie, that's cause every time you see me I've been drinking." It occurred to me that, had he said the same thing a few years ago, I just would have said, "Um, okay, thanks." (the um and the okay are because I'm not good at compliments, the thanks is because I AM usually smiling.)

So, now that I have given myself a week to pout, I'm over it. I'm not over all the stuff going on, and won't be any time soon, but I'm not going to let it affect me on such a deep level.

Quite honestly, I've got too much to look forward to -- stuff to do for the weekends for the next 3 weeks, Beach trip to OCNJ with Jenn on Thursday, and plans for almost every weekend until November... Day to day, I'm just gonna look forward to the simple things that have always made me happy before -- emails and messages from the very best friends a girl could have, cd mixes made just for me, and a job that no longer sucks quite as much as it used to.