The trouble with me.
Well, I've been working on ONE scrapbook page for well over a month now. My mom, sis and I have a "circle journal" going -- we each started a scrapbook and we pass them around each month. At first, I had an idea for this one, but I just couldn't find time to do it. Now, I'm just now sure I can say what I want to say. Don't worry mom and sis, I'm bringing it to NJ this weekend, so I'll be forced to have it done, but here's the problem -- I'm supposed to answer the question, "Who are you?"
The problem, of course, is that there's no simple answer to that. I'm lots of things, to lots of people. The "me" that Jenn (who is probably the one who knows me best) knows, for example, is quite different from the one that mom knows. There are several me's that most of my family wouldn't recognize. There are also several that they would, but who don't really feel like the "me" I am most days of the week.
As I think about these multiple me's, I think of my friend TJ's view of me versus the view of most of my family. While TJ and I occasionally talk about more serious stuff, we've often joked that sober Karen and sober TJ have very rarely been in a room together and (when it does happen) it's only at the beginning of the night. Then I think of a comment one of my cousins made, about how I'm "supposed to be" the responsible one. This was said after she was absolutely shocked when I did something stupid.
What occurs to me is that there's a lot of pressure out there to be someone we're not. Someone who other people expect us to be. The older I get, the more I try to really be me, and the more I feel like I might be letting someone (and their expectations) down when I do exactly that.
The problem, of course, is that there's no simple answer to that. I'm lots of things, to lots of people. The "me" that Jenn (who is probably the one who knows me best) knows, for example, is quite different from the one that mom knows. There are several me's that most of my family wouldn't recognize. There are also several that they would, but who don't really feel like the "me" I am most days of the week.
As I think about these multiple me's, I think of my friend TJ's view of me versus the view of most of my family. While TJ and I occasionally talk about more serious stuff, we've often joked that sober Karen and sober TJ have very rarely been in a room together and (when it does happen) it's only at the beginning of the night. Then I think of a comment one of my cousins made, about how I'm "supposed to be" the responsible one. This was said after she was absolutely shocked when I did something stupid.
What occurs to me is that there's a lot of pressure out there to be someone we're not. Someone who other people expect us to be. The older I get, the more I try to really be me, and the more I feel like I might be letting someone (and their expectations) down when I do exactly that.
