Old Friends...
Over the years, friends drift away and come back together. Some, like the "friends" you had in high school who were friends only because they had the same lunch as you and never really knew you anyway, are sometimes better left behind. Some you've known forever and are bonded to you forever whether you ever see them or not. Some, you meet as you get older and just feel like you've been bonded to them forever.
I've got to admit that I've been lucky. I've certainly had more than my fair share of really good friends over the years. The kind that you can call on for anything, any time of day or night and you know that they'll always be there. The kind that just "get" you without you having to say a word. The ones who, no matter how much you may try to let go of, you just can't.
Recently, in my life, there was a "falling out," for lack of a better term, with one of these can't-get-rid-of them kind of friends. Not a fight, really. Actually, more of a meeting of the minds. Kind of a "we really drive each other crazy, don't we?" "yeah, we sure do." (yeah, it's a lot more complicated than that -- it always is -- but I'm trying to keep it simple here)
And, despite the fact that we've been creating havoc in each other's lives for almost 9 years now, we've never seemed to be able to let go. Somehow, we've gone our separate ways, and come back together. But we've always, always come back together. No matter where we've lived, what our lives have been like, we've never been able to really let go of the friendship we've always had. Now, I think we have.
So, when you lose one of the people who means the most in your life, what do you do then? It's not like someone dying -- they don't give you time off from work to mope about how your friend doesn't want to call, email, IM or see you anymore. So, I'm trying to figure out how to appropriately "mourn" the loss of this friendship without the woe-is-me thing that I'm currently carrying around.
Jenn and I have talked about this mourning process and how it all seems weird, because you're mourning someone who's still out there, but who just isn't interested in being in your life anymore. So, are you mourning the loss? the pathetic-ness that is your life that you don't want to let go of someone who wants to let go of you, even if you know they're right, and it IS for the best, etc. etc. etc.? the simple fact that maybe you didn't mean quite as much to them as they did to you? Honestly, I'm not quite sure.
So, I'm trying to move beyond mourning and pitying myself. Trying to remember all of the really amazingly good friends I have (both old and new), and keep in mind that, sometimes, this moving in and out of each other's lives is okay, and helps us grow, even though it hurts. And that, sometimes, it doesn't mean we've stopped caring about each other but because the havoc we cause for each other maybe, just maybe, isn't working for us anymore -- as much as we'd like to believe (and maybe still DO believe) that if we just gave it one more try, it would all be okay. So far, believing any of this isn't really working, but I'm still trying. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've got to admit that I've been lucky. I've certainly had more than my fair share of really good friends over the years. The kind that you can call on for anything, any time of day or night and you know that they'll always be there. The kind that just "get" you without you having to say a word. The ones who, no matter how much you may try to let go of, you just can't.
Recently, in my life, there was a "falling out," for lack of a better term, with one of these can't-get-rid-of them kind of friends. Not a fight, really. Actually, more of a meeting of the minds. Kind of a "we really drive each other crazy, don't we?" "yeah, we sure do." (yeah, it's a lot more complicated than that -- it always is -- but I'm trying to keep it simple here)
And, despite the fact that we've been creating havoc in each other's lives for almost 9 years now, we've never seemed to be able to let go. Somehow, we've gone our separate ways, and come back together. But we've always, always come back together. No matter where we've lived, what our lives have been like, we've never been able to really let go of the friendship we've always had. Now, I think we have.
So, when you lose one of the people who means the most in your life, what do you do then? It's not like someone dying -- they don't give you time off from work to mope about how your friend doesn't want to call, email, IM or see you anymore. So, I'm trying to figure out how to appropriately "mourn" the loss of this friendship without the woe-is-me thing that I'm currently carrying around.
Jenn and I have talked about this mourning process and how it all seems weird, because you're mourning someone who's still out there, but who just isn't interested in being in your life anymore. So, are you mourning the loss? the pathetic-ness that is your life that you don't want to let go of someone who wants to let go of you, even if you know they're right, and it IS for the best, etc. etc. etc.? the simple fact that maybe you didn't mean quite as much to them as they did to you? Honestly, I'm not quite sure.
So, I'm trying to move beyond mourning and pitying myself. Trying to remember all of the really amazingly good friends I have (both old and new), and keep in mind that, sometimes, this moving in and out of each other's lives is okay, and helps us grow, even though it hurts. And that, sometimes, it doesn't mean we've stopped caring about each other but because the havoc we cause for each other maybe, just maybe, isn't working for us anymore -- as much as we'd like to believe (and maybe still DO believe) that if we just gave it one more try, it would all be okay. So far, believing any of this isn't really working, but I'm still trying. I'll let you know how it goes.
